Don't be a Pinata!
ADOPTION INSIGHT
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Written by KS
Last Updated: Friday, 24 July 2009
Finally you are talking to a Birth Mother or Birth Parents.
The adoption process can be very emotional and there is fear on all sides that
everything will go smoothly.
Most potential Birth Mothers are honestly sincere in their desires and attempt to
make adoption plans for their child. Life altering decisions are difficult at best and
generally very emotional. Even an honest birth parent can make an adoption plan
and then change his or her mind after the birth. They are also well within their
legal right to change their minds. This does NOT make that person a scam artist.
There is a major difference between changing ones mind and the planning of a
scam artist.
Adoptive families are not the only potential victims of adoption scams. Birth
parents are just as vulnerable and can be taken advantage of by adoptive families
as well as adoption professionals.
Overly eager adoptive families sometimes make promises to a potential birth
mother or facilitator they are working with and then fail to follow through on these
promises after they have taken the baby home. This is not acceptable. In a perfect
world all parties will avoid making promises they cannot or don't intend to keep.
Start your adoptive search by deciding how much openness, if any, you are
comfortable with before being matched with a potential birth mother. It is a much
more successful match with both the potential adoptive family and the potential
Birth Mother share the same vision of the future of the adoption process and life
after the adoption. Proceed slowly and always treat the Birth Mother you're
interviewing with respect, as you want her to treat you. Remember Birth Parents
have feelings and should be treated with kindness, respect, and compassion. If
things are not going well at this stage of the process it is likely not to be a good
match after the baby is born.
Every stage of this adoption process and how you treat the potential Birth Mother
of the Child you want is critical. You do not want her to see you as a potential
scammer anymore than she wants to be treated by you as scammer in the process
of adoption. Respect and informed decisions are the keys to successful adoptions.
All prospective adoptive families must educate themselves, work with known
professionals, and make informed choices in working with birth parents. Scammers
posing as birth parents tend to have several common behavior patterns to be
aware of.
Ask lots of questions, and verify all the information that a potential birth parent
gives you through the adoption professionals your working with. It is important to
keep written logs of the details of conversations so you can refer to them later when
verifying information. It is also important to discuss anything out of the usual with
the professionals your working with. Remember the professionals do this every
day not every few years or once in a lifetime. Agencies, facilitators, doctors, case
workers and attorneys will all have more experience in spotting a potential
problem or how to resolve it before it becomes a problem. A sincere birth parent
will usually give you or the facilitator a real phone number where she can be
reached directly and be willingly send proof of pregnancy and other
documents required for adoption to you or your adoption agency/ attorney/
facilitator in a reasonable time frame. She should also be willing to talk with your
agency/attorney/facilitator, and not miss appointments. With all the phone
services available today for extremely reasonable fees there is no excuse not to
have caller ID so you'll know the number that a potential birth parent calls from
and conference or 3way calling capabilities to have a facilitator or agency as a
witness to what is said. Verify addresses and phone numbers through numerous
web sites such as intellus.com, anywho.com or 411.com. See the ad on
www.adoptioninsight.com for packet8. All calls within the US and Canada with all
the extra features such as caller ID and 3 way calling, all forwarding etc., for a mere
$20.00/month
Either you, or when working with a facilitator or agency make sure to verify the
names, addresses, and phone numbers of physicians caring for a potential birth
mother.
In the case of Adoption Wise, we only work with professionals who do provide us
with complete records.
Today, because of privacy medical laws it is very difficult for you to call the doctor's
office and ask if s/he is caring for the birth mother and request verification of
pregnancy. Your facilitator or agency will have a release of medical information
form for the birth mother to sign as a part of the process to work with a potential
Birth Mother and in this way be able to communicate directly with the medical
professionals in your behalf. A sincere birth mother will provide all information
needed and will sign any release of information forms necessary.
When a birth parent seems to have several financial crises, asks for money or
payments directly to her for food, rent, car repairs, etc., this could be a red flag.
Scammers sometimes ask for plane tickets, to bring the baby to you, only to cash
the tickets in, with no intention of ever boarding a plane. NEVER give money (or
plane tickets) directly to a potential birth parent.
Scammers will give different versions of a similar story to each family they are
working with. Join adoption blogs on the internet and check to see if anyone else
has had contact with a particular birth parent. Also be alerted to the twin scam. It
is entirely possible for a birth mother to be carrying twins, yet this is very common
among scammers for some reason. Know the professionals your dealing with or use
professionals who have had successful adoptions with someone you know as a
reference.
Be cautious. Protect yourself. If it doesn't sound right, it's okay to move to the next
prospect for all parties involved. If you're consistent and patient, the right match
will present its self.
Last Updated: Friday, 24 July 2009
Last Updated: Friday, 24 July 2009
Finally you are talking to a Birth Mother or Birth Parents.
The adoption process can be very emotional and there is fear on all sides that
everything will go smoothly.
Most potential Birth Mothers are honestly sincere in their desires and attempt to
make adoption plans for their child. Life altering decisions are difficult at best and
generally very emotional. Even an honest birth parent can make an adoption plan
and then change his or her mind after the birth. They are also well within their
legal right to change their minds. This does NOT make that person a scam artist.
There is a major difference between changing ones mind and the planning of a
scam artist.
Adoptive families are not the only potential victims of adoption scams. Birth
parents are just as vulnerable and can be taken advantage of by adoptive families
as well as adoption professionals.
Overly eager adoptive families sometimes make promises to a potential birth
mother or facilitator they are working with and then fail to follow through on these
promises after they have taken the baby home. This is not acceptable. In a perfect
world all parties will avoid making promises they cannot or don't intend to keep.
Start your adoptive search by deciding how much openness, if any, you are
comfortable with before being matched with a potential birth mother. It is a much
more successful match with both the potential adoptive family and the potential
Birth Mother share the same vision of the future of the adoption process and life
after the adoption. Proceed slowly and always treat the Birth Mother you're
interviewing with respect, as you want her to treat you. Remember Birth Parents
have feelings and should be treated with kindness, respect, and compassion. If
things are not going well at this stage of the process it is likely not to be a good
match after the baby is born.
Every stage of this adoption process and how you treat the potential Birth Mother
of the Child you want is critical. You do not want her to see you as a potential
scammer anymore than she wants to be treated by you as scammer in the process
of adoption. Respect and informed decisions are the keys to successful adoptions.
All prospective adoptive families must educate themselves, work with known
professionals, and make informed choices in working with birth parents. Scammers
posing as birth parents tend to have several common behavior patterns to be
aware of.
Ask lots of questions, and verify all the information that a potential birth parent
gives you through the adoption professionals your working with. It is important to
keep written logs of the details of conversations so you can refer to them later when
verifying information. It is also important to discuss anything out of the usual with
the professionals your working with. Remember the professionals do this every
day not every few years or once in a lifetime. Agencies, facilitators, doctors, case
workers and attorneys will all have more experience in spotting a potential
problem or how to resolve it before it becomes a problem. A sincere birth parent
will usually give you or the facilitator a real phone number where she can be
reached directly and be willingly send proof of pregnancy and other
documents required for adoption to you or your adoption agency/ attorney/
facilitator in a reasonable time frame. She should also be willing to talk with your
agency/attorney/facilitator, and not miss appointments. With all the phone
services available today for extremely reasonable fees there is no excuse not to
have caller ID so you'll know the number that a potential birth parent calls from
and conference or 3way calling capabilities to have a facilitator or agency as a
witness to what is said. Verify addresses and phone numbers through numerous
web sites such as intellus.com, anywho.com or 411.com. See the ad on
www.adoptioninsight.com for packet8. All calls within the US and Canada with all
the extra features such as caller ID and 3 way calling, all forwarding etc., for a mere
$20.00/month
Either you, or when working with a facilitator or agency make sure to verify the
names, addresses, and phone numbers of physicians caring for a potential birth
mother.
In the case of Adoption Wise, we only work with professionals who do provide us
with complete records.
Today, because of privacy medical laws it is very difficult for you to call the doctor's
office and ask if s/he is caring for the birth mother and request verification of
pregnancy. Your facilitator or agency will have a release of medical information
form for the birth mother to sign as a part of the process to work with a potential
Birth Mother and in this way be able to communicate directly with the medical
professionals in your behalf. A sincere birth mother will provide all information
needed and will sign any release of information forms necessary.
When a birth parent seems to have several financial crises, asks for money or
payments directly to her for food, rent, car repairs, etc., this could be a red flag.
Scammers sometimes ask for plane tickets, to bring the baby to you, only to cash
the tickets in, with no intention of ever boarding a plane. NEVER give money (or
plane tickets) directly to a potential birth parent.
Scammers will give different versions of a similar story to each family they are
working with. Join adoption blogs on the internet and check to see if anyone else
has had contact with a particular birth parent. Also be alerted to the twin scam. It
is entirely possible for a birth mother to be carrying twins, yet this is very common
among scammers for some reason. Know the professionals your dealing with or use
professionals who have had successful adoptions with someone you know as a
reference.
Be cautious. Protect yourself. If it doesn't sound right, it's okay to move to the next
prospect for all parties involved. If you're consistent and patient, the right match
will present its self.
Last Updated: Friday, 24 July 2009
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