How to Enhance your Adoption Profile
Written by Joanna Ivey of Our Chosen Child
Friday, 05 January 2007
A blank piece of paper, or a flickering cursor stares back at you as you sit and think.
How do you begin? What do you say? How can you possibly convey all that is in
your heart as you think about adopting?
This letter you are about to write will be read by one of the most important people
that will come into your life- a birth parent who may someday choose to place her
baby with your family. The enormity and importance of this letter sends you into
serious writers block, and you doubt every instinct and emotion as you begin to
put your thoughts on paper.
Sound familiar? Congratulations, you have joined the thousands of hopeful
adoptive parents that have faced the same struggle. Writing your Adoptive Family
Profile is without a doubt one the most difficult things you will ever write, and
unquestionable one of the most important. A well-written and produced profile is
the most important networking tool you will have, and will make or break the
success of your adoption journey.
Your first step to writing a great adoption profile? Take a deep breath, and a step
back. Your first step isn’t writing, but thinking. You need to consider what is truly
important to you, and what makes your family unique. Keep in mind that although
many PBPs (potential birth parents) will read your letter your goal shouldn’t be to
appeal to each and every one of them, but to make your letter stand out to the
RIGHT birth parents for your family. Just like you, they are unique in their hopes
and desires as they search for a family, and just like you they have unique interests
and concerns. When that special birth parent reads your letter you want her or
him to envision their child growing up with you, and no one else but you.
If you are working with an agency, facilitator or attorney they will give you a set of
recommendations for your profile. They all will differ in the length they like to see,
what they want included and what not to include. Remember, every client will
start out with the same basic guidelines,, it is your job to make sure your profile
doesn’t look like the rest. You will hear well-meaning advice that will encourage
you to follow a ‘formula’ for success-but don’t be tempted to water down your
quirkiness, or to avoid taboo subjects. If you area quirky, fun, Harley riding,
outspoken and opinionated couple then there is a birth parent out there looking
for someone just like you! The technical aspects of writing your letter are not
unlike what you learned in college composition courses- research, outline, write,
and edit.
Often your “research” is one of the most difficult parts of writing your letter. Your
research begins by grabbing your partner and thinking about the things that
really make you unique, and the four or five main points you want to convey in the
letter. A PBP will read 3-10 letters in a sitting, and as you can imagine they all
start to run together. Most everyone lives in a great home in a nice community
with good schools supported by a loving family in a loving marriage and is grateful
for the chance to share it all with a child. You too? There is more to you than that,
and your job is to tease it out. Think hard about four or five points you want to
cover in your letter. What are the core values and interests you share? Some
thoughts are spirituality, education, family, athletics, travel, work ethic or a
strange sense of humor. Weave these core beliefs throughout your letter, and
make them the foundation for your text.
By beginning your letter with an outline and a general idea of the key points you
want to convey you can create a concise, memorable letter that shares the true
essence of your family. You can expect to write 3-6 pages of text and be prepared
to use 15-30 photographs in your finished profile. There is a fine balance between
providing narrative on your life and interests and just rambling on and on, and you
should be equally judicious in your choice of photos.
When writing your text remember that you are ‘speaking’ to a real person- and a
real person that is in the midst of one of the most difficult times in his/her life.
There is always much discussion about the “do’s and don’ts” of writing styles, so
let me address a few of those here:
Don’t write “down” to a birth mother assuming she may not have the education
you do. Just write as if you were speaking to a friend. You wouldn’t use jargon with
your best friend, so keep the Thesaurus on the shelf and just write naturally.
Don’t make assumptions about what a birth parent is looking for in an adoptive
family, or pretend to be someone you aren’t. Not rich or famous? That is just fine
with most birth families. PBPs are as unique as you are, and a connection based on
honesty and mutual desires will be a deep and lasting one.
Don’t hide religious convictions (or lack thereof), stepchildren, or anything else.
How will she feel when she finally does learn of your omission?
Don’t list your family and cousins by name and age- I can tell you that she really
doesn’t care. You do, but she doesn’t. Save that information for an album you can
give her later on.
Don’t be afraid to share a few faults. One of my favorite profiles said: “We know we
should vacuum more often, and perhaps we order pizza more than we should, but
we love to be outside with the kids and sometimes the chores just have to wait”.
Don’t you want to get to know that couple? I do, and so did the birth family that
chose them.
Don’t be afraid to call in the professionals. If you are just plain stuck or want
personal attention in the process there are many services available to assist you.
Find someone who shares your beliefs about adoption, and who isn’t trying to fit
you into a mold to make their job easier.
DO tell stories as you write, don’t just run down a list of accomplishments.
Especially when accompanied by photos these little vignettes are often the stars of
the show. Capturing a scene or special moment creates a memory for the potential
birth parent as well, and those are the most often remembered parts of any
profile. Don’t tell her you live in a great neighborhood; tell her about summer
evenings when everyone sits out on their porches and the kids race bikes up and
down the street. Don’t tell her that Christmas is your favorite holiday, tell her
about the time the tree fell over on the dog and he dragged it around the house
until every ornament was broken.
Do be specific if you have desires about an open relationship, gender, or anything
else you feel strongly about. You will hear much advice to the contrary, but I
believe that if she wants an open relationship- and you don’t- then cut to the chase
and you can both move on to find a good match with someone else. Your mom was
right, you can’t be everything to everybody, so just be true to yourself, and most
importantly, honest with her.
DO put your soul on paper. Your profile will speak for you to birth parents and
others important in your adoption journey. Write with honesty and with purity,
and your feelings will jump off the page.
DO make sure both partners share in the writing of the profile. Just like parenting,
the adoption journey is best when shared.
Your last job, and one of the most important parts of writing your letter is to edit.
As you re-read you letter think about how a birth parent would feel as she or he is
reading it. Will they feel you are condescending and formal or fun and upbeat? I’ve
read many letters from loving, well meaning adoptive parents that say such things
as “we believe every child deserves a loving home, and we can give that to your
child” (as if the birth parents can’t?Love is the one thing they have in abundance.)
or “after years of fertility treatments that haven’t worked we felt called to
adoption” (as in, adoption wasn’t our first, second, or third choice. It is dead last,
but please overlook that.). Be sensitive to your audience.
Now that you have a really great letter you will need to select photos, and put it all
together in a readable, engaging format. Our next article will discuss how to
choose great photos, and how to create an eye-catching, memorable layout. Until
then, enjoy the process of writing your letter. It is seldom in our busy lives we have
the opportunity to slow down and think about what makes our family special, and
to take the time to put it on paper. This profile you are creating will be a special
keepsake for your family, and for your child’s birth family for years to come.
Joanna Ivey is the owner of Our Chosen Child Adoption Design Services. She works
with hopeful adoptive families creating profiles and Lifebooks, and is Graphic
Designer, adoptive mom and adult adoptee. She can be reached through
adoptionwise.com. Email us from this site and we will put you in touch with
Joanna's profile services
Last Updated: Friday, 24 July 2009
Friday, 05 January 2007
A blank piece of paper, or a flickering cursor stares back at you as you sit and think.
How do you begin? What do you say? How can you possibly convey all that is in
your heart as you think about adopting?
This letter you are about to write will be read by one of the most important people
that will come into your life- a birth parent who may someday choose to place her
baby with your family. The enormity and importance of this letter sends you into
serious writers block, and you doubt every instinct and emotion as you begin to
put your thoughts on paper.
Sound familiar? Congratulations, you have joined the thousands of hopeful
adoptive parents that have faced the same struggle. Writing your Adoptive Family
Profile is without a doubt one the most difficult things you will ever write, and
unquestionable one of the most important. A well-written and produced profile is
the most important networking tool you will have, and will make or break the
success of your adoption journey.
Your first step to writing a great adoption profile? Take a deep breath, and a step
back. Your first step isn’t writing, but thinking. You need to consider what is truly
important to you, and what makes your family unique. Keep in mind that although
many PBPs (potential birth parents) will read your letter your goal shouldn’t be to
appeal to each and every one of them, but to make your letter stand out to the
RIGHT birth parents for your family. Just like you, they are unique in their hopes
and desires as they search for a family, and just like you they have unique interests
and concerns. When that special birth parent reads your letter you want her or
him to envision their child growing up with you, and no one else but you.
If you are working with an agency, facilitator or attorney they will give you a set of
recommendations for your profile. They all will differ in the length they like to see,
what they want included and what not to include. Remember, every client will
start out with the same basic guidelines,, it is your job to make sure your profile
doesn’t look like the rest. You will hear well-meaning advice that will encourage
you to follow a ‘formula’ for success-but don’t be tempted to water down your
quirkiness, or to avoid taboo subjects. If you area quirky, fun, Harley riding,
outspoken and opinionated couple then there is a birth parent out there looking
for someone just like you! The technical aspects of writing your letter are not
unlike what you learned in college composition courses- research, outline, write,
and edit.
Often your “research” is one of the most difficult parts of writing your letter. Your
research begins by grabbing your partner and thinking about the things that
really make you unique, and the four or five main points you want to convey in the
letter. A PBP will read 3-10 letters in a sitting, and as you can imagine they all
start to run together. Most everyone lives in a great home in a nice community
with good schools supported by a loving family in a loving marriage and is grateful
for the chance to share it all with a child. You too? There is more to you than that,
and your job is to tease it out. Think hard about four or five points you want to
cover in your letter. What are the core values and interests you share? Some
thoughts are spirituality, education, family, athletics, travel, work ethic or a
strange sense of humor. Weave these core beliefs throughout your letter, and
make them the foundation for your text.
By beginning your letter with an outline and a general idea of the key points you
want to convey you can create a concise, memorable letter that shares the true
essence of your family. You can expect to write 3-6 pages of text and be prepared
to use 15-30 photographs in your finished profile. There is a fine balance between
providing narrative on your life and interests and just rambling on and on, and you
should be equally judicious in your choice of photos.
When writing your text remember that you are ‘speaking’ to a real person- and a
real person that is in the midst of one of the most difficult times in his/her life.
There is always much discussion about the “do’s and don’ts” of writing styles, so
let me address a few of those here:
Don’t write “down” to a birth mother assuming she may not have the education
you do. Just write as if you were speaking to a friend. You wouldn’t use jargon with
your best friend, so keep the Thesaurus on the shelf and just write naturally.
Don’t make assumptions about what a birth parent is looking for in an adoptive
family, or pretend to be someone you aren’t. Not rich or famous? That is just fine
with most birth families. PBPs are as unique as you are, and a connection based on
honesty and mutual desires will be a deep and lasting one.
Don’t hide religious convictions (or lack thereof), stepchildren, or anything else.
How will she feel when she finally does learn of your omission?
Don’t list your family and cousins by name and age- I can tell you that she really
doesn’t care. You do, but she doesn’t. Save that information for an album you can
give her later on.
Don’t be afraid to share a few faults. One of my favorite profiles said: “We know we
should vacuum more often, and perhaps we order pizza more than we should, but
we love to be outside with the kids and sometimes the chores just have to wait”.
Don’t you want to get to know that couple? I do, and so did the birth family that
chose them.
Don’t be afraid to call in the professionals. If you are just plain stuck or want
personal attention in the process there are many services available to assist you.
Find someone who shares your beliefs about adoption, and who isn’t trying to fit
you into a mold to make their job easier.
DO tell stories as you write, don’t just run down a list of accomplishments.
Especially when accompanied by photos these little vignettes are often the stars of
the show. Capturing a scene or special moment creates a memory for the potential
birth parent as well, and those are the most often remembered parts of any
profile. Don’t tell her you live in a great neighborhood; tell her about summer
evenings when everyone sits out on their porches and the kids race bikes up and
down the street. Don’t tell her that Christmas is your favorite holiday, tell her
about the time the tree fell over on the dog and he dragged it around the house
until every ornament was broken.
Do be specific if you have desires about an open relationship, gender, or anything
else you feel strongly about. You will hear much advice to the contrary, but I
believe that if she wants an open relationship- and you don’t- then cut to the chase
and you can both move on to find a good match with someone else. Your mom was
right, you can’t be everything to everybody, so just be true to yourself, and most
importantly, honest with her.
DO put your soul on paper. Your profile will speak for you to birth parents and
others important in your adoption journey. Write with honesty and with purity,
and your feelings will jump off the page.
DO make sure both partners share in the writing of the profile. Just like parenting,
the adoption journey is best when shared.
Your last job, and one of the most important parts of writing your letter is to edit.
As you re-read you letter think about how a birth parent would feel as she or he is
reading it. Will they feel you are condescending and formal or fun and upbeat? I’ve
read many letters from loving, well meaning adoptive parents that say such things
as “we believe every child deserves a loving home, and we can give that to your
child” (as if the birth parents can’t?Love is the one thing they have in abundance.)
or “after years of fertility treatments that haven’t worked we felt called to
adoption” (as in, adoption wasn’t our first, second, or third choice. It is dead last,
but please overlook that.). Be sensitive to your audience.
Now that you have a really great letter you will need to select photos, and put it all
together in a readable, engaging format. Our next article will discuss how to
choose great photos, and how to create an eye-catching, memorable layout. Until
then, enjoy the process of writing your letter. It is seldom in our busy lives we have
the opportunity to slow down and think about what makes our family special, and
to take the time to put it on paper. This profile you are creating will be a special
keepsake for your family, and for your child’s birth family for years to come.
Joanna Ivey is the owner of Our Chosen Child Adoption Design Services. She works
with hopeful adoptive families creating profiles and Lifebooks, and is Graphic
Designer, adoptive mom and adult adoptee. She can be reached through
adoptionwise.com. Email us from this site and we will put you in touch with
Joanna's profile services
Last Updated: Friday, 24 July 2009
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